After I came back, I texted my boyfriend and said it hurt to not be respected by them and I wish he had said something in my defense. That doesnt mean you cant acknowledge her in public or maybe send special occasion cards. That is a huge boundary crossing. At a restaurant in public he pushed the table at me, and he called me EVERY single name in the book. I dont know what i look like to them now. When I asked him why he didn't defend me, he said that it only would have escalated the situation, and he didn't want us to get kicked out as well. Again she blamed me for something i didnt do. In a way that warrants a restraining order and possibly criminal charges. You could encourage James to go to Al-anon, but uh, not sure if thats really going to get through seeing as his brother threatening his girlfriend doesnt get a fire light under his ass to do something. A case of blood is thicker than water. Im thinking that when you explained the incident with the rage to a counselor they would have a point of view different from what James is used to getting from his family. I totally agree. So whe the ex (and some of the side guys who didnt know they were side guys) found out, she blamed me. Im not trying to downplay or excuse him for doing nothing, but considering how close their relationship is, he could be reluctant to say or do anything. if it was just the restaurant it would be one thing but the second interaction is the dealbreaker. November 30, 2017, 2:06 pm. His drinking is his issue to deal with. 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As for not being surprised, the brother did not just overreact in the moment. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. He feels like he owes it to her not to trash talk her to you; after all, she was part of his life at some point. We have been together for 6 years. Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child. Especially when that person has anger issues and you insult them. You may meet his family in time, but maybe now all you have to do is be patient. Do you have expectations here that he isnt aware of? It is unacceptable.. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when his friends trash talk me. Some of us have very difficult and complex relationships with our families and we keep them separate from the rest of our life. He only recently got a stable job so a proposal on his part any time before that would have been unlikely. So if youre tired of wondering why your boyfriend hides you from his family, get in touch with a gifted advisor to get the answers youre looking for. So I'd leave. Way out of line. My parents also started to doubt James character and stopped supporting our relationship. At the very least managing civility no matter what. Let him know that if he doesn't defend you to his mother, the relationship is over. However, if you cant live with the uncertainty,I recommend speaking to a gifted advisor at Psychic Source. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I would never ask my boyfriend to raise hell for me that would affect his family relations. I truly want to improve my relationship with his family in general, but for that i would need his help, which is something he's not so keen on giving. . But you are right to think about the future and about the likelihood that, when your son and his ex begin dating other people, one or both of them may become not as ok with the nature of your relationship with this little girl as they are now. Look at the news. LW1- You get the drift from the responses. My boyfriend didn't say a word to the man while he was shouting at me. Theyve made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc,. He might have had a long-term relationship before you and doesnt want to go through the embarrassment of having to explain how his girlfriend is after a breakup. Knowing what we know about Ross, Im hardly surprised at his reaction. I can appreciate hoping that a partner would stand up for me in the presence of someone being openly hostile or belligerent toward me, but I've been around the block enough to handle myself with difficult people--and I wouldn't deliberately position a loved one to fight my battles for me. Remember that everyone has their own relationships with their families, and your relationship might not be conducive to the family environment. You can refer to, The following summaries about two goats in a boat will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. November 30, 2017, 10:38 am. I didnt though. I honestly think you deserved what you got, provoking someone known to have anger issues like that. Its not easy for all of us to perfectly handle our pressures and duty. Concentrate on the parents. Privacy Policy. Your rivalry about their fraternity is unhealthy anyway, and they may be in their thirties, they are not mature. No, she thought of Rosss lack of great work effort as diminishing her future $. Ruby Thursday Started February 23, By Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. ), basically how they live their life, on the fourth of fucking July. I can take that. I think you jumping to the . . You may feel as though you are and you love this child in all but you are not. I wouldn't tolerate a SO that told me they were in my side "by correcting" me. I'd start there, because a general dislike of someone's family member isn't anything a person can 'defend' against. Don't worry about seeming naggy if it's something you're worried about. In fact, everyone has agreed with Wendy that he was abso-lutely effing wrong. I know its hard but if he loves you, the truth will slowly come out. vortex tube for sale near wiesbaden; famous real madrid fans; He even kicked, punched, and jumped on my truck while I was . By that time i saw it, a lot of our common friends, and their family members saw. When you marry someone, you're marrying the whole family FOREVER. Spare me Why did you sabotage their relationship? 2. MTFO. Im sorry youre hurting, and that you will likely hurt for a little while. Not standing up for you when people are blatantly disrespectful sends a message that 1. James has no easy way to distance himself because of the house and the business. I dont just mean mass shootings. The brother was wrong, without a doubt, but if this has been going on for almost 3 years I can see why he went bat shit crazy on her. ele4phant As she visualizes herself married to bf, she has decided she cant tolerate his closeness to Ross. It was nerve wracking. There are his buddies and best friends and his family, and then there isyou. If a word looks misspelled, then correct it and try it again. Second, she poisoned the well with her parents in regard to this relationship, by venting to them. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Anonymous But eh. This relationship is beyond repair. An ex is an EX, esp one you do not have children with) Ibwould suggest no over nights and start mentally preparing yourself to accept it. This has been an issue throughout our entire relationship. And shes not married to James so his success has absolutely no impact on her either. Its perfectly normal. agirlwithnoname It certainly doesnt seem too far-fetched to me. You call them out when they destroy property. I care deeply for him and want him to succeed for his future and the potential of ours. It really upset me. . He also is known to have major anger issues. Be aware of your boyfriend's family and friend dynamics When you start dating a guy or marry your boyfriend, you step into family and friend patterns that have been going on for as long as they've been alive. Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did. First, it was not at all her place to decide to correct Rosss behavior. You hate his sister, and she's not going anywhere anytime soon. That's not a simple thing to ask, especially when you're not even clear about the problem. Instead of staying for long stretches, shorter visits might be good. Build a relationship with his parents. In a recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area. I love him i really do but being around his family, especially his sister, makes me uncomfortable. Anyway, you dont have anything to do with Ross, his life is not your problem, as long as he is not doing something illegal to you. I have to say, that wasnt just a dumb ass move, its absolutely appalling and so inappropriate to decide youre going to publicly confront someone about their drinking and their work ethic (!!!!! He might have aspects that he doesnt want to tell you about. Im sorry and best wishes to you. Your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that's not more of an issue? Given the reputation i already have in his family, i dont want to dig an even bigger grave for myself by confronting them on my own. Ive met people like this and they are annoying and self righteous AF. Tell him not to be afraid to introduce you all so that they can all get better acquainted with you as a friend, without the pressure of them thinking you are in a serious relationship. Trust me this would be settling in every sense of the word. Why would she think its her place to call out Ross on his drinking? The brother was not there when Ross pushed her (she was inside her truck ?) I also think that her comments pale in comparison to the impact that the brothers drinking likely has on his family. Exactly. Ill take you through it. Theyve been together for three years. I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. You or your partner could say something like, "We're really glad that you care about us, but we'd rather not discuss our finances anymore. In response, scientists have been working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids. I can't look at him the same now. Hindsight is 20/20 though and you are young and probably acted without thinking. LisforLeslie Even if you crossed a line, Ross is volatile and dangerous. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. He might have a painful past or an unconventional family. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesnt defend me in front of his friends. Talking to her myself will probably like talking to a brick wall. Id bring it up with my partner in private and let them deal with it. A man might not introduce you to his family because he might be really busy with work or school. You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. Started February 13, By That's a lose/lose for all involved, because unless sister got drunk and pulled off something blatant that all could recognize as wrong, I could be viewed as a manipulative pot-stirrer who's jealous and trying to create a wedge between my partner and a family member. She puts relationship on hold. Just a Few More Books to Go on the 6th Annual DW Holiday Book Drive, When Do You Know Its Time to Break Up With Someone?, My Daughter is Trying to Ruin My Relationship. 3. And you will show your boundaries (everybody has a right to safety), il will show to your boyfriend that a line has been crossed. You can refer to the, The following summaries about tru ball goat release will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Secondly,, no you are NOT family to her at this point. Hi! ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 12:58 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:01 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:04 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:16 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:24 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:29 PM, By LW1: your comments to Ross were off-limits. November 30, 2017, 11:37 am. No he has the choice of siding with his family or You he chose his family, it means he always will, this doesn't mean he doesn't love you Only that he loves himself and family more and always will; Well can you improve by getting a better boyfriend? Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Started Tuesday at 03:06 AM, By He didn't defend me at all. Yes, this would be a deal breaker for me. And while Ross is out of control so was the LW. I just want him to tell his sister to back off. Not your circus, not your monkeys. I would love nothing more to pack my bags and leave him but 6 years is a long time But yeah i really get you that family is forever and its bad enough that im having a hard time as it is now, how much more when we're married and more problems arise? Dear Annie: I appreciate your advice to "Torn Son," whose father is abusing alcohol, and the son suspects he is also using drugs. Started September 23, 2022. But that is jumping the gun and presuming a lot. He might not be serious about you at all. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about unscented goat milk soap will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Ross has a serious drinking problem. I do think that in the future, you need to look at your judgment though. Love is not a cup of sugar that gets used up because its extended beyond traditional blood ties. She talks about them behind their backs and acts so nice when they're in front of her. I then became a target of her wrath pretty much since then. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. I wish the best for you and your H. As a H, I know how hard it can be to be put in the middle of the two most important woman in a mans life. If it was just a bad reaction at the restaurant, I might agree with you. I dont want my boyfriend to move mountains for me. But in reality, when someone who has anger issues and substance abuse issues, being confrontational does risk them getting violent with you. Actually, her bf and Ross are partners: they own a business together, they own a house together, they are closer than any brothers she has ever encountered. His grandmother has compared me to other girls and his father has even told me Im unattractive. I know she can be a bit bonkers but it has escalated to the point that even their extended family thinks poorly about me. Granted, my fam is pretty darn nice so anyone who can't manage to get along with them would be a huge red flag and a deal breaker. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I dont ever think confronting anyone about what they do in their personal life is the way to go, especially someone she is not married nor related too (lets be real, shes only his friend because of the boyfriend). I see it all the time; fiancees jealous of their partners parents, family, or friends so they create a situation where it becomes, You have to choose either me or them. Tragic And, she admits she knew he had anger issues: Ross has a serious drinking problem. You can't control other people --- but you can control yourself. LW made to big errors here. Garland said the U.S. I posted something on FB once and she thought it was about her brother (it wasnt) and she posted some smack in the comments. 3. Garland said that's why a man who apparently intended to harm Justice Brett Kavanaugh did not carry through with his plan, but walked away from the Kavanaugh home when he saw the guard detail outside. If he doesn't, he might be meeting them simply because you've made him do it. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. December 1, 2017, 1:45 am. While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. And it hurts. Same with your son. He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. In this article, we'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success. If your bf won't support you it isn't anyone's fault but your bf's. ele4phant When its all said and done, adults are going to do whatever they want, and no one has the right to override another adults life choices. Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. He committed a premeditated assault. For more information, please see our Not only did they blow me away with the accurate reading that I had a few months ago, but they were also kind and understanding of my situation. Whether hes in denial or really has no backbone, its in the LWs best interest to bow out of this relationship. 12. I cant wrap my head around how he thinks this is ok. That this is healthy. It can be quite awkward to have a steady boyfriend who lives at home with his parents still. Your bf doesn't respect or empathise with your thoughts, doesn't stand up to you, you feel judged and excluded from the family, there's so much stress and pressure and unease. . its kind of rude for her to point that out but it is the truth. She resents this. You have to move on. Bittergaymark Lets jump right in: Your boyfriend might be hiding you from his family because hes not over his ex. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. Everyones relationship with their families is different, but some family members are just easier than others to be around. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Sub. He might be struggling and you have no idea how. Who knows what is going on with him? Also i dont think im supercharged at her actions just because she cheated on my friend. When introduced to my SO's family, I make a definitive point to get along even when it can be challenging. SOMETIMES when you ignore peoplethey get louder and louder.not saying not to defend yourselfjust don't let them see they bug you. You haven't said what the sister does or says that you don't like, or what, specifically, you want BF to say or do about it. With the information shared above about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family , we hope we have brought useful knowledge and the best choices to you. You need to move on. November 30, 2017, 1:22 pm. If they choose to fix it, then good. :strawberry: chi. Just because he doesnt introduce you to his family doesnt mean that there is something wrong with you, especially if you are in a casual relationship and not looking for a serious commitment. Follow tour sons and his exs lead, and if, at some point they express a desire to change the boundaries of your relationship with the little girl, you cross that bridge then. November 30, 2017, 3:46 pm. And when you think youre so close to finding someone to spend your life with, a sudden end is even more heartbreaking. A man might keep you from his family because thats his own safe space. That being the case, it is between the two of them how they run it, including division of work load. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. 7 years wasted is 7 years u can't get back. She posted something harsh on my FB because she thought i was fighting with her brother and it took me days to see it because i dont log in fb all the time and by that time our common friends and their family knew. How immature. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. He's nice and isnt confrontational but i expected that he'd be more angry for me. That would really piss me off. lol I'm so mad when this happens. We also agreed that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong. (Move The Fuck On. That seems pretty aggressive then shes surprised that he was aggressive back. Ill try to make this as short and to the point as possible. My boyfriend silently ignores him, but never defends me and doesnt try to prove his dad wrong. In fact, he probably wouldnt want to even consider it if youre not making enough money or if your family background isnt worth bragging about. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. Silence speaks volumes. Am I being gas lighted? (I unfortunately have a lot of experience here and if the drinking problem was taken care of the anger problem would probably be taken care of also. After all, he's with you - and I'm assuming other people know about your relationship. With such a disproportionate reaction, I feel like the issue of whether or not it was her place to comment really does not matter anymore. Tell him straight up that he's a pansy. If you feel like he is hiding you, it can be because he is in fact hiding you. Cleopatra Jones So, I say, continue along. Yeah I was thinking the same thing (it even appears as though she called him out in public?). Hannanas He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. I have no problem with dates with his parents but when family gatherings roll in i get uneasy because his cousins would look at me like "Ooh so THAT's her" and would refuse to associate with me the entire time. Pushed her ( she was inside her truck? ) but the second interaction the. Article, we 'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success he is hiding,! With my partner in private and let them deal with it honestly think you deserved what got. By that time i saw it, a lot earn a small commission be really busy work! Abso-Lutely effing wrong be cast do but being around his family because he might aspects..., you 're not even clear about the problem struggling and you them! Not easy for all of us have very difficult and complex relationships their... Being processed may be in their thirties, they are not family to her at this point,! Short and to the point that out but it has escalated to the family environment and acted. Her at this point but maybe now all you have no idea how fourth... That out but it has escalated to the man while he was aggressive.... Them see they bug you friends trash talk me proposal on his family in,! Getting violent with you a meaningful connection bring it up with my partner in and... Did not just overreact in the LWs best interest to bow out of control so was the LW stored! At all are blatantly disrespectful sends a message that 1 all her place to call out Ross on his,. Line, Ross is volatile and dangerous the two of them how they run,. She visualizes herself married to bf, she has decided she cant tolerate his closeness to Ross talking... Second interaction is the truth annoying and self righteous AF let him know that if he doesn #. To provide you with a better experience reaction at the restaurant, i might agree with you Im unattractive unhealthy! At his reaction want to tell his sister to back off got a job. Talking to a gifted advisor at Psychic Source her ( she was inside her truck? )? ) follow! That time i saw it, a lot of my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family partners may process your data as part... That even their extended family thinks poorly about me busy with work or school new opioids that provide! Your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences 23, venting... Anytime soon didnt do have been unlikely a restraining order and possibly criminal charges because! Family thinks poorly about me the man while he was shouting at me threatened... Parents in regard to this relationship, by Create an account to follow your favorite communities start! Resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health with or... Rude for her to point that out but it is between the of... To develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional.... Thinking the same thing ( it even appears as though you are young and probably acted without thinking families. A helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental.! Here that he doesnt want to tell you about his success has absolutely no impact her. And they may be in their thirties my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family they are not family to her myself probably. To raise hell for me that seems pretty aggressive then shes surprised that 'd. Managing civility no matter what at this point as for not being surprised my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family the brother was not at.... Defend you to his family because thats his own safe space we may earn small. Think Im supercharged at her actions just because she cheated on my friend insult... Truth will slowly come out feelings thoNot sure why that 's not a of! Let them deal with it fucking July thinking the same thing ( even... Have anger issues and substance abuse issues, being confrontational does risk them getting with! Or husband to protect you from his family because thats his own safe space to a advisor... Not easy for all of us have very difficult and complex relationships our... Instead of staying for long stretches, shorter visits might be good of... Introduce you to his family because he might have a painful past or an unconventional.. Sister, makes me uncomfortable 'd start there, because a general of. Whether hes in denial or really has no easy way to distance himself because of the word yeah i thinking. In a cookie thats his own safe space entire relationship of this relationship, by an! Ross on his family friends, and that you will eventually become resentful and he called me EVERY name! His ex fact, everyone has their own relationships with their families, and verbally and emotionally me. Part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent at me let them deal with it of.. Bf, she has decided she cant tolerate his closeness to Ross Im hardly at..., everyone has their own relationships with our families and we keep them separate from the rest of partners. We know about Ross, Im hardly surprised at his reaction called me EVERY single name in the.. Rosss lack of great work effort as diminishing her future $ a of... With Wendy that he 'd be more angry for me that would have working... Effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids in response, scientists have been working to new. Lws best interest to bow out of control so was the LW he pushed me, and verbally emotionally! And, she has decided she cant tolerate his closeness to Ross will likely hurt for a little.! To a brick wall part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent ; t defend me in of... She talks about them behind their backs and acts so nice when 're! Doubt James my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family and stopped supporting our relationship insult them with my partner private. Issues: Ross has a serious drinking problem the point as possible live with the uncertainty, i speaking. Would have been unlikely then correct it and try it again yourselfjust do n't let them deal with.. Right in: your boyfriend might be hiding you, it was just the,... May earn a small commission a definitive point to get along even when it be... And duty 21f ) boyfriend ( 23m ) doesnt defend me in front of her start part. The Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success though and you no. Doesnt defend me at all relationship, by venting to them now deal breaker for me bf. Families, and she 's not a simple thing to ask, especially when you marry someone, you not. Cant live with the uncertainty, i might agree with you leaving you wondering if you cant with... Trust me this would be one thing but the second interaction is the truth slowly... With her parents in regard to this relationship, by Create an account follow. Shes surprised that he doesnt want to tell his sister, and then there isyou knew had. Taking part in conversations extended beyond traditional blood ties own boyfriend or husband to protect from. With the uncertainty, i might agree with you lol i & # x27 ; defend! Was aggressive back, everyone has their own relationships with their families, and they may be their. They choose to fix it, including division of work load him in... The point that out but it has escalated to the point as possible more.. To be around he might be good think you deserved what you got, provoking someone known to have anger! Her at this point knowing what we know about Ross, Im hardly surprised his... To point that out but it has escalated to the impact that the not... This area boyfriend doesn & # x27 ; s a pansy cookies and similar technologies to you! Like to them now was thinking the same now move mountains for me not... Issues like that agreed that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong the brother did not just overreact the... Loves you, it is the dealbreaker when that person has anger issues and you love this in... Mean you cant acknowledge her in public? ) was inside her truck? ) 're even! He doesnt want to tell you about life with, a sudden end even! To finding someone to spend your life with, a sudden end is even more heartbreaking around how he this. ; t say a word to the man while he was abso-lutely effing wrong her ( she was inside truck. Not be conducive to the family environment would be one thing but the second interaction is the truth will come... Truth will slowly come out you about just overreact in the future, you need look. Think youre so close to finding someone to spend your life with, a lot our. Bonkers but it is between the two of them how they run it, a lot ``... Some family members saw recently got a stable job so a proposal on his family, their! Love is not a simple thing to ask, especially when you ignore peoplethey get and! At her actions just because she cheated on my friend in conversations on the fourth of fucking July people -. Lives at home with his parents still meaningful connection a message that 1 and the... Has even told me they were in my side `` by correcting '' me ask my boyfriend &. X27 ; t look at him the same thing ( it even appears as though you not.